Letters to My Angel "Layan" (4)

    Letter to your Innocent Soul my Angel Layan (4)

Ch.4 –Rituals
Let’s hope today is the day I’m gonna read what I wrote you last year…
Let’s hope today is the day I’m gonna write you again
And do my ritual
Yeah this has become my ritual
Every year I have to write you
Every year I have to talk to you
On this particular day
Not that I don’t talk to you on other days
Not that I don’t dream of your at other nights
But today is the day
I let it all out
And I don’t care what people think
I don’t care if they say I should stop
And I honestly couldn’t care less of how they feel about what I write
Or if they judge me…
And excuse me if I sound weak to you
But it’s the only way to let you know
That on this particular day
You are my ritual…
On this one day of the year at least
And again… not that I don’t think of you everyday
And not that I don’t miss you even more by everyday passing by
And not that I still hope it’s a dream or a nightmare…
I don’t know… and I don’t wanna sound cliché as well… no I don’t wanna sound cliché
I know this year I haven’t said much
and I don’t want you to think I’m writing you now out of “ritualism”
It’s just…
I’m not sure if I have a lot to tell you
Because this particular year has been a rough one
And I’m not sure that I need to talk about that
I just wanna say that I miss you
although it hurts… but I still keep your memory
and  hold our days in my heart
I want you to know that…
I wanna tell you that I’m sorry if sometimes I try to recall your face and find it hard to do so
And I have no idea why
I mean, I have your pictures and everything but I try to recall and remember your face but sometimes it just seems like mission impossible
And I don’t know why it happens
But I assure you it doesn’t happen much… and it doesn’t make me miss you less
I love you… I miss you
And I would do anything right now
To have one last conversation with you
And I will tell you that every day
Because I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
We wasted a lot of time
Or no actually I did… I did
I wasted a lot of time in denial… just escaping reality
And what did it get me?!
It only got me less time with you
That’s what it got me
LESS time with you…
Sigh…
I know this may sound… I was gonna say stupid
But no it’s not stupid, because I honestly and truly believe that you’re gonna hear this somehow
And let the entire world think that I’m crazy for thinking like this
I don’t care…
I love you… and I miss you…
Yeah… I love you and I miss you
Take care my Angel…
 By Abeer Allan
Dec.10th.2012
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