Letter to your Innocent Soul my Angel Layan (2)
Ch.2- Sweet Bitter Memories
Always and Forever…My One and Only Angel…
There is a light deep within..Life may be darker..life may be harder..but there is always a light deep within..
you’re the sunrise in the morning..shining our days..you’re our moonlight when it gets dark at night..
you bring peace to my soul…I’m sorry I didnt keep my promise..I’m sorry I told you I’ll write you..always.and I never did…after my first letter…I’m sorry it took me that long…But I was never strong enough…To admit and believe…That you’re no longer here….
well…I’m not sure I am stronger now…but I am sure of how much I miss you..I’ve been missing you everyday..more than the day before..I just think of you every morning..
with every sunrise…I see you’re smiley face…every night..before i fall asleep… I hear you wishing me a good night…
sometimes you visit me in my dreams..some other times I just pray you do..but sadly it doesn’t always work… 🙂
so tell me..how are you up there? how is it goin? ready for Eid…
kol 3am o ente b5eir habibti o yen3ad 3aleiki every year o ente in heaven.. nshallah… 🙂
well..I promised to keep you updated…let me start with what I always start talking about..Felesteen..(Palestine)..
it’s just the same old situation..more talks about peace..less action..
more settlements… less homes…
more barriers… less freedom..
well…yeah that’s it..it’s funny how it’s going though..really…
it’s not better in Iraq..Pakistan..nor in some other countries…
but I guess it’s life..and how it goes My Angel…
in this letter..I’m just not strong enough to talk about your family..so i’m just going to pass…let’s talk random…if you know what i mean..let’s talk memories this time..let’s talk future..shwai..
well, not a day passes by without me remembering when we had our own roller-coaster
remember..we were so naïve ..we would use any flat piece of wood….or a broken door..and take a “ride” on them..down the hill..
just let them slide by themselves..God! we didn’t even think.. what if a car would pass by and just hit us!! what if that happened..
But there was this one time though..when we were gonna fall down right into the valley and I got so scared that i bit your shoulder so hard..hehe i got you all angry and mad that day…. but it was fun..
it’s strange… how you always had faith..when all the world seemed to be on fire !you had faith.. you believed we weren’t gonna fall..you were leading that ride… you were brave…unlike me..I still fear the cross-roads.. Literally and metaphorically…till now!!
…oh wait..Remember how we used to play on that huge tree right in front of the building..you and Moe used to take the highest branches for building your “houses”..and the rest of us would just take the ones “closest to earth”..as none of us was brave enough to climb to both of your houses..we used to have barbeques as well..which never included anything more than potatoes!!!
Remember that day when we killed a cockroach…built him a grave..Buried him..and then prayed for him..and we read el fate7a..we wanted to know how it feels like when someone die..s how we would stand by their grave and pray for them..that’s funny…if I knew the future.. I would say..I never wanna know…how it feels like..I never wanna live that experience.. Ever again…!
Remember how you used to love setting in our balcony… drink tea.. talk..and laugh our night…I remember that very well..this summer..my heaven..was setting there..staring at the stars in the sky…I would see your face among the stars..smiling..and I would just smile back..and know you’re at peace…
Last summer..it was June…we were setting..you..Razan..Moe..and I..in our house..we talked about your trip to Syria..and how you thought it was beautiful and cheap.. hehe..you know money is important ..we can’t deny that! 😉
and we decided.. to go there..when i graduate…… on June..we said we were gonna go there…have fun..stay there for at least a week.. no parents or kids.. just to chillax..here we are now..last summer is over..another summer is over too…and June just passed..the June we were waiting for…I graduated.. and I felt your soul..celebrating with me..I went to Ramallah..to find out..our plans were gone..just like you are gone now…you weren’t there..no more plans..no more trips..no more going to Syria with you…your plans have changed.. you took a trip to heaven..it was a “one-way ticket” trip…I’m 23 now… I guess you know what this age means…it’s your age…now…you were always a year older than me..now we’re at the same age..it’s funny.. it’s the first time ever..no candles to be blown.. no cakes.. no celebrations…hehe there weren’t even gifts..sadly…hehe 🙂
you know..I didn’t mind..because..I didnt even feel it..for the first time..usually I think of it as my “holy-day”.. it was sacredor I would just get depressed for gettin older..but this time..it didn’t feel like anything… NumbnessI didnt think of it as anything… but just as an ordinary..scary day..
well..that was a long letter..and I guess you might have gotten bored with these words..but next time…my letter will get to you sooner..Thus… shorter 😉 but I have to tell you one thing..before I let you get back to your “Resting In Peace” My One and Only Angel…you being in my yesterdays..makes it easier to handle todays..yet impossible to plan for tomorrows..But I dont mind..really… I don’t…as long as I look back and just smile for all the childish memories of us…I’m thankful..and grateful…for the childhood we lived…and I promise you ..if I have a bad today..or a painful one..I will just throw it all away by tomorrow..so it wont stain.. our Happy..Juvenile… Naive… yesterdays…to Always Smile and Remember..The Good Days..Life Can Yet Bring..and like what I always say…
“Life Is A Beautiful Portrait… Just Needs An Artist To Appreciate It…”..[Abeer Allan 😉 ]
you were always an artist who appreciated Life..Loved it… you held on so tight to it… “Dear Life” …
you are still an amazing artist… you’re paintings… speak to all of us..who appreciate life.. and appreciate you My Artist..
and I’m Glad..you are the base color of this portrait of Life…
I Miss You..and I Love You…
With Love My Heavenly Happy Angel,
PS. I forgot to mention that Ghandour your cat has passed away…but I guess you already know that..as he is in heaven now..with you… 🙂 “
By Abeer Allan